bloodykittytear

Guess what!!! I am home. After being in Memphis..... well in between Memphis and jackson, Miss........ for 7 days. I hated it. GOD!!!! I missed my bed, I missed my cat, Ashli, Micha. and even graham.......... {not sure why, but i did!}. It's been hell. I mean two little brats. And the worset(sp?) thing is. We think Allen-Michael is being sexually abused, because he lies all the time, and he is touching. The other night he was digging up michael's pants, He told his grandmother"Hey granny tke off your clothes and ill take off mine". And has tried to un-do my mom's bra and has touched her butt and stuff..... And he will even say that he is being touched. So something is wrong. And then ashlyn cant see anymore...... and her hearing is off. Something is happening to these kids. But anyways.... Me and michael had gotten into fights and stuff. THen Friday he went to court nad now he lives with his mom. Well I wanted to be with him for his senior year, and I cant. That hurt, because he told me that night instead of during the day. He held off on it. And I got upset and he started yelling at me, and making me feel horrible. THen Graham doesnt make me feel any better. He says some shit like " Me and you made it work." I said we didnt last through Christmas. "Yeah, but we had problems" And after saying that he said if ya'll love each other everything will work. And that made me feel like you know god, I guess the reason me and him arent together is because he really didnt love me. Maybe he felt sorry for me? And with Michael being at his mom's, He is always busy. Cant ever talk to me. I know we are gonna break up. I am not stupid. Come on, he is 17 and there are some hot gurls at lavergne(sp?) and I'll be old news soon. I have thought of going ahead and breaking up with him to go ahead and get it over with. I mean....... I wont find true love. I am just glad everyone else is happy and having a great life. I have cried now for the past 5days. I dont know whats worse: Finding out that the past 7moths was a waste. Or Waiting for it to end. I want to pierce something. I have the wanting to feel pain. And see blood. Sometimes, it feels as though I am already dead. As though my eyes are empty and my smile cold and blank. I put on a happy act now. God I am gonna be depressed. Michael said he'd cal me at 12:00am. It's 12:10 and knowing him, he is busy. But I cant cry. And I know what everyone is thinking, but, Ashli it is just like your love for graham, even though people said he cheated on you and shit nad even though you did think he did even if it was the littlest..... You didnt want to end something. I always told myself if I was being abused, anyway it goes, I'd leave him. Only I cant. I love him to much. Maybe things will work out. I mean, I might get to sleep over this weekend. So that would be cool. I'll have to talk to dad about it. But I must go. I wished my bed. and I will go crawl in it now.

                                                                                    Kitty

.......Behide her smile........

             I have gone through hell. I cant sleep and most nights I cry wanting Michael. I hate going through this. My head hurts all the time, and the other day I was so stressed and upset, My nose starting bleeding. Which is the in fact the first nose bleed I had ever had. Last night I was in so much pain from crying that I took something to knock my ass out. Good thing it worked. But god was I freaking out, I woke up randomly and thought my nail polish was melting off. It was FUCKED UP!!!!!

.........She's standing on an over pass in her miracle mile..........

         Michael came over today.  That was good, because my plans are:

.........You were from a perfect world..........

           Tomorrow, babysit......make money!*does happy dance*

.........A world that threw me away...............

           Weekend: Go to dads and go shopping....... thats always fun!

..........Today to run away...............

          Monday: Leave for Memphis........

..........A pill to make you numb.........

          Friday:Come home.

........A pill to make you dumb............

        So I won't get to see michael for awhile. That hurts, but what hurts worse is I wont get to see Ashli and she has to get teeth pulled, So I'd want to make sure she would be ok. But seeing Michael today was good. I needed him. I told him about my stupidness and crying and shit. So he laid me down and told me to fall asleep. I did. That was the best feeling. To fall asleep in his arms and wake up knowing that he would be there. He did that one night. It was his birthday, and that day we had went out and had fun. I was SO tired. So He took me home and made me change into my Pjs and get in bed. He sat there and rubbed my head intill I fell asleep and turned all the lights out and locked the door and I woke up to his ringtone the next morning. The best was when dad let him stay the night. Waking up in his arms was awesome.

.........A pill to make you anybody else............

      I have been writing alot lately.... I mean tons have been going through my head. I have like a Poem journal now. So that's cool. I just write when something pops in my head and date it. Last night, while on sleeping stuff, I had something POP! in my head, but I was to lazy to get up. But I will write down on here, what I was thinking last night(if I can remember):

...........But all the drugs in this world wont save her from herself..........

I lay here

Slowling watching

All the walls

The white walls

Moving closer to me

The ceiling begins to move

Downwards it goes

I am scared at first

But then It all looks beautiful

The walls are melting

the closer they come

I see white all around me

and in the last brethe I take

as the last wall

moves into place

I see red

..............Her mouth was a Empty cut...............

            Yep there you go. To my surprise I rememebered. It sucks but thats how I write. About dark things. Horrible things. Really I am not suicidal anymore, But death and killing and blood just sticks in my head. I believe the only way I could be pretty is with cuts across my face. I use to cut ALOT. Just to know I was live, I mean as though someone pinching themselves to know they are awake. Some people do it to want attendtion, others to die, and Me, to know I am still in this horrible dream. *Life is a dream, awaiting death- Sarah, The Crow: City of Angels* I have given up on wanting to die. Why make everyone happy??? I have given into cutting...... Because DAMNIT!!!! I know i am still fucking alive. There are so many things in this world I haven't done yet, and If I die tomorrow, I know that I have lived my life fully so far. But god and the devil know I wont die for a LONG fuckign time. They both enjoy sitting there laughing...............

.............And she was waiting the fall..........

         I have thought maybe I will stop putting the way I act in this. I mean everytime I put something somebody uses it...... I mean, there is NO problem, but aska nd you will recieve, inless I have important reasoning. I mean come people! I love everyone!!! *gives everyone hug and kiss on forehead* Doesnt life suck, though?! I mean we go back to school in two weeks. Damnit all to hell. (in the words of Ash-la-ham: THis sucks big blue and PURPLE monkey balls!!!!!!!) .

............Just bleeding like a poloaroid..............

          I love this song, Coma WHite by Marilyn Manson. It kinda makes me think, Really no matter how many things you do in this world, You'll never save yourself from yourself. I mean if you cut or take pills, it doesnt matter....... bacause you'll never(NEVER!!!) save yourself from the pain. All the money in the world couldnt do that either. THere are so many things in this world, that make you feel  so closed from everything and everybody....... Yeah, it doesnt work. I mean at night you still have to think to yourself. And someone once told me that the worest enemy you could EVER come accross is yourself. And they are right. Nobody will ever hurt you mentally or Physically worse then the way you treat yourself. A army person told me: In this life, Dont do anythign that, when you go home and lay your head down at night, you have to think that you did the right thing or did you do the wrong. In smiple words: Dont do something that stays on your mind for awhile.

............That lost all of her dolls..........

            I better go. It's 12:10am. And I have to get up pretty early, so I am off to sleep. Hopefully I will. Pray for me PLEASE!!!!! I need it!!!!! more then ever!!!!!!!

(To graham: Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday day dear V. Waffer, Happy birthday to you!!!!!-He turns 18 today..... 7/29)

                                                                                                           Love,

                                                                                                               Kitty

If I dont write this weekend I am sorry, just comment and ill get back to ya, since I am going to my daddy's.

Current Mood: Trying to sleep.

Current Music: Coma White-Marilyn Manson

..... Because I know that you feel me some how......

                Hello, havent been on for awhile, and news update: I am going to my dad's this weekend, and then Monday I leave for Memphis. THat should just be fun. But hey I get free bonding strap pants out of it. Then Tomorrow I am spending the night at Katie and Dani's and watch them, because Mom's dad has to go in for surgery(sp?), so she has to help him during the day while her mom works. Then Thursday night I am spending the night once again. But I am making $25 dollars a day. So then I can get yet another pair of bonding strap pants and then I'll have two. *does happy dance*.

.........Your the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be...........

             Yesterday, I had to go to church. But Michael got to go. The people there think Ashlyn is ours. Because she only sits with me or him. It's kinda funny really. Then afterwards we went to Ryan's to eat. Well Mom had to take Chandler and Kelsey home. And she wanted Mike to go with her, and Micha was leaving at 4 and I was going to dye his hair. So Mike gave him his truck keys and drove us home..... So I could dye his hair. He was SO happy driving. He was smiling the whole time. We got home, and laid down for a little while. Then starting dying his hair. We had to dye it black, so he could get a job and so on. While the dye was in his hair, me and him had a little fun..... ;).... hehehehe..... I'll just leave it at: Hair dye got places it shouldn't of and I got a few problems fixed....... hehehehe.  Then after he left I did my hair. And that was about it......

...........And I don't want to go home right now..........

           Last night I talked to Micha about things....... (wink, wink wrenskywalker ). He doesnt think that things will work out.So last night we talked about something. And it isn't the best thing in the world. But He and I both agree on it. As hard as this is to say.... We are going to get rid of the baby. It's funny how everything you have ever wanted, just falls into your lap....... Everything is great and happy, then someone decides the wrong thing fell and they pick it up and run off, and then everything falls apart. Life's fucked up. Just isn't it? I have even taken off the ring he gave me. There is no point to wear it right now. We are having to take it one day at a time. And hopefully things stay good. But it'd be better to not have her, instead of have her and thing go bad and she has a bad life. I always wanted my babies to have a better life then me(isnt that what everyone wants?) Or atleast not have slip up parents. But god only knows if me and him will make it through the year. It's been 7 months and it has gone to shit. I know I should just break up with him and try and move on, but that cant happen. He is first person I have Loved this much. Yes I still love Graham, but there is so much more that Michael has done for me.  Plus Ashli has Graham now. They are gonna be happy.  I am glad someone who loves him is with him. It hurts to breathe right now. I am so fake. I have to be so strong and not show emotion and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. And cry my heart out. I hate this. I hate all of it. And there isnt anything I can do anymore........

...... And if all I could tatse is this moment......

       Today was ok. Taking everything one day. My sister let me down today. Not surprising. Went to wal-mart. And talked to Michael... That is about it. But I am sad and I'm gonna go rub my nose intill I fall asleep. Or cry myself to sleep one.

                                                                    Kitty

Current Mood: the picture says all

Current Music: U got it Bad-Usher

{dear I fear, we are facing a problem...........-lovefool}

            Yeah, I am bored. And weird for the title is oxycotton and the starting song is Lovefool. Isnt life just weird? Anyways, Today was fun.*COUGHnotCOUGH* I went to bed at 2:00am. THat sucked HUGH monkey balls. My cat woke me up right when it started raining hard outside. I was angry, but then thought that I know why she woke me up, to hear the rain. My cat is very smart. So I listened to the rain, and it put me back to sleep. THen michael called at 6!!!!!!!! *evil thoughts in brain*, THen I had to get up at 10:00 and we went and ate at cici's pizza. After that off to Wal-mart to get school suff. And I got a new shirt. Then we came home. I got to see Michael. That was god. No fights today. Go us. Things are getting better. One day at a time. So thats great. yesterday, he got a new X-box, it has ALOT of rap on it. SO finally my baby is slowly turning into a wigger. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!*does happy dance* And then I met a new friend, who btw is hot!!!!!

evilmew: Hello! Glad to be on your friends list!!!!!</span>

Current Mood: no sex in months!!!!!!

Current Music: Dust in the WInd-Linkin Park

Hello there,

       I jut got back from seeing CATCF for the 2nd time. It is still just ok. Only johnny is "Dark" in it. Well come on it's TIm Burton, of course. I am sitting here listening to Avril, Ich was nicht! I am bored. Well Ash-la-ham has some cool things on her name so I did some of them, They are funny. Like one is what are the names of your boobs, Mine were Dinner and desert, and Stripper name was Butterfly. Which is weird cuz I love Butterflys. And Ashli was Puppy, which is weird cuz I use to call her Pup. But whatever, it happens. Then Graham is in BIG trouble, cuz he used one of our flashlights and in which it was Mike's and he didnt bring it back, so Mike is yelling at mom and mom is yelling at me. I let him have a soda, and he left the can, so we got written up and a bottle of anti-freeze is missing. So now mom is MAD! and guess who gets yelled at. And know Mom is saying Graham is never allowed over here. Doesnt that just suck!? But it happens.(in the words of A.j.) I have had to do most of the stuff for the babies this week. And is saying "Oh my god! I am SO tired. I have done SO much for these kids!" Fuck that!!!!!! Who took them swimming? Who rocked Ashlyn and Chandler to sleep? Who has done alot for them? ME!!!! Thats who! I ave done way more for them. And I hate the fact I dont get anything for it, I mean I dont want things, But a Thank-you. Come on! Damn non-greatful people! They should be shot! I poke her!!!!!*which btw that was first started by me and Ashli and is copyrighted on her left boob in VERY little Writting.* Well I am once again wanting to leave this place. But I cant so I sleep, and go in my own Wonderland, Away from everyone and everything. Then waking up to Michael's ringtone in the morning and looking so fucked up it isnt funny, and Him saying Good morning Beautiful. He makes me happy. But sometimes so sad, I think that when he gets away from his family things will be better. And I hope. *AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!* Some lady just called all happy talking about how they can help for the death of young and old. Are they trying to tell me that I am going to die? The great mysteries(sp?) of life.  I am sitting here wanting to see Micha, and I cant. That hurts, Me miss Mchael! Well I gonna go take a nap. {Mister sandman, bring me a dream, Make him the cutes That I've ever seen! Oh please turn and your magic beam!!!! Mister sandman bring me a dream!!!} well ttfn

Current Mood: me no feel good!

Current Music: Slipknot, Vol:3

Well, last night was the Avril concert. Happiness! Intill I see Jon Butler there. Then I wanted to throw-up.  But it was good. Butch Walker was there.  That was awesome. I love his music. I love his "Mixtape" song.

( MixTape )
 It was fun. And Michael's gonna have a picture on the buzz. I'll give the link later. It was cool. And Butch even sang "Since you've been gone". That sounds better from him, instead of Kelly Clarkson. lol. And the Avril concert part Rocked!!!! Only the thing ended at 10. Thated sucked! And she played the drums on one song while Butch sang a popular song(dont know the name), And she even tried singing "All the small things" That didnt work for her, but whatever.  It was fun. And today is me and Michael's 7th month Ann. And I hope it last. Maybe things can get fixed. I wish I could just get a BIG band-aid.{I am stuck on Band-aid Brand, cause Band-aids stick on me!} Yeah! Thats it, Ill go get a HUGE band-aid, a carebear one, or something, and Fix it!. Go me I have a plan!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! Go me! GO me!!*does hands in round motion* But we are gonna go swim, in the rain. I love the rain! {Es regent, Es regent!!} anyways, we are gonna g play in the rain.

               Kitty!

Current Mood: ITs RAINING!!!!!!

Current Music: Monty P, and the holy Grail

Hello to anyone that cares. Well I got grounded from my computer, and now I am off punishment. I got grounded for screaming at my mom and so on. It was funny though, because I made her SO mad. Well a week ago week was ok. nothing really, except Katie and dani had to stay the night. Then this week Ashli lived here. That was cool. Then yesterday, Me, Ashli, and Jon went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate factory. It was cool. Johnny played a crazy place. And the oompa-loompas SUCKED!!!!! It was bad, I mean it was good, it was just if you grew up on Willy Wonka and TCF. It is kinda stupid. I mean They tired to hard to make it like the first one. I kinda liked the first one better. SO TO EVERYONE.......... WAIT TILL ITS OUT ON VIDEO!!!!!!(it'll save you some money). Well I can see I is not loved for the fact no one cares enough to leave me a message or anything. *crys river*. But whatever. I guess nothing really matters anymore. I mean things happen right? I am just that kid in the corner that is alone intill someone walks up starts talking, then turns around and leaves. Well I cant wait to see Devils rejects. That movie BETTER be good. I went to the mall to day, and got my Avril tickets. Thats cool. Well micha has GREEN hair now. I mean golf course green. Me and Ashli want to mown(sp?) it! lol. But we had fun at the mall. Then we went swimming. And also Graham has been calling me ALOT. thats kinda weird. Well I cant wait to see the Corspe Bride. OH I forgot to mention. Ashlyn busted up her jaw. They couldnt even stitch it, they had to glue and tape it. I felt so bad for her. Esp. cuz she had to go through SO much pain. The only good news is we dont have to go to church. YEA!!!!*throws BIG party* And then last night, she woke up crying so I let her fall asleep in my bed then took her into the living room, and rocked her back to sleep and put her in the rocker where she was sleeping in the first place. So then i went to bed. Right now I am bored. VERY bored. Michael quick his job at the waffle house making 250 checks a week. I was like* jaws flys open, I have surprised look in my eyes, and a fist made.* Yeah it didnt end well. But whatever. Oh and I had to cut my hair. I went to get a trim and the lady said it was better off being all cut off, because of the nasty dead stuff from dying my hair so much. SO I cut it.The day before I got hurt from my computer I downloaded alot of 90s stuff. Its cool. went to musicspace.com.  I am still trying to find out the name of one song. But It happens, I also had to get all the dust out of my computer and god that SUCKED!!!!! Well my cuzs are over. So thats cool. Esp. cuz one is my Baby! He looks JUST like graham did when he was little. It's SCAREY!!!!!!*runs around in circle intill runs into wall*. Well everyone I know who has moved to another state except Doug, has cut off everything to me. Doug still sends me letters and stuff. The others have just stopped talking to me. SO there we go. I knew it would happen soon or later{Love me, love me, say that you love me-Love fool} Yeah, while ashli was over we turned on the computer and listened to 90s songs and sang to the top of our lungs it was FUN! I got a new PINK!!!!!! body pillow cover. It feels GOOD!!!!!!!. But hey I am gonna get outta here.

                                                                                                                                                                                Kitty

Band:Avril Lavinge

cd:Let go & Under my skin

Your mood right now:

You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out
You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me up
Make me go away

      &

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Words of wisdom:

Where would you rather be?:

What would you rather be doing:

I never spend less than an hour,
Washin' my hair in the shower,
It always takes 5 hours to make it straight,
So I'll braid it in a zillion braids,
Though it may take all friggen day,
There's nothin' else better to do anyway.

            &

Just freak out let it go
I'm gonna live my life
I cant ever run and hide I wont compramise cause I'll never know
I'm gonna close my eyes
I cant watch the time go by
I wont keep it inside
Freak out let it go
Just freak out let it go

Favorite tool right now:

She turns on tv
       &

Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.

How you look at yourself right now:

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

         &

Just freak out let it go
I'm gonna live my life
I cant ever run and hide I wont compramise cause I'll never know
I'm gonna close my eyes
I cant watch the time go by
I wont keep it inside
Freak out let it go
Just freak out let it go

What I think of others:

I’m tugging at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head

              &

It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

What others think of me:

Current Mood: stressed

Current Music: Blue jeans- Slivertide

Ten things I hate about You:
I hate it when u talk to me
and the way u cut ure hair
I hate it when u stare
I hate ure big bad combat boots
and the way u read my mind
I hate u so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme
I hate it when ure always rite
I hate it when u lie
I hate it when u make me laugh
and even worse when u make me cry
I hate it when ure not around
and the fact that u didn't call
But most of all I hate how I don't hate u,
not even close, not even a little bit,
not even at all.
                       I love that movie. I mean what can I tell him. I am the fucking guy in this relationship. It isnt suppose to be this way. But I can only take what I am given. I have given up on fairy tales. And Princes coming to save you. No more white Horses and No more castle. No crowns, and No gold, No happiness. My beleiving in fairytales are over. I just cant bleive in something that is so fake, anymore. I have moved from it. But anyways....... then we went to Media play. Which was cool. I got some new gumy Pink headphones. And Thirteen ghost, I love that movie! I borrowed it from my sister and she took it back LONG time ago, What's eating Gilbert Grape? Which I love that movie. But finally it was on sale for $4. So I had to get it. *Burger Barn! AHHH!!!!!!!!(remember Katie?)* Then I got a GC cd that was made in Germany, and exported from there, for 99 cents. We got Hide and seek, Miss Con. 2. And the rest were Mom' movies. You know the ones that suck. lol. Then I came home only to turn around and leave and go to the store. But atleast we have Milk now. *throws Party* Now I can eat some Lucky charms*Throws Bigger party*. Well I downloaded some new songs. Then I took a bath. I had the whole.... Candles lite, the lights off, bubbles up to the chin, and Lacuna coil playing. It was in Heaven. Sometimes I wish I could just live in a bathtub. It would be so cool. And make me so happy. Then Michael called and now I am talking to Michael. Well listening to silence. There is so much on my mind to tell him, but yet so much I cant tell him. I am stuck. I want graham*Crys out for graham, as though I am looking for my mother*. I wont to crawl in a hole and stuff there. Forever. It would only make sense to. I'd be away from all the bad stuff. Ashli is suppose to be home tonight. I hope she will be home soon. I need her. Then Katie and Dani are gonna be over here intill Friday cuz their mom is going out of town. So there you go. You know, I miss last summer. I remember evrything about it to. Even where my bed was. And the smells of my room, it smelled like tommy for men, and incense. It reminds me of Graham. I dont like summer. It reminds me of graham. And that hurts. But all you can do is try and forget the memories and move on. Only I dont forget, I cant forget. They haunt me. As if they were ghost, trying to kill me. They wont leave me alone. I can remember everything. It killed me yesterday going to Rayne's and Sabrina's, because that is were I found out that my grandmother died, and the place Jon was horrible to me, and the next night graham climbed my balcony just to hug me and tell me everything would be ok. I can remember every convo. Every move. And it just hurts my head you much. I just want it to go away. I just want it to go away. I hate this. GOD I FUCKING HATE THIS!!!!!!

Band:Shinedown

cd:leave a whisper

Your mood right now:

And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45

         and

Words of wisdom:

Where would you rather be?:

What would you rather be doing:

And Im looking down the barrel of a .45

Favorite tool right now:

And Im staring down the barrel of a .45

How you look at yourself right now:

I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation

What I think of others:

Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe
I believe

What others think of me:

Current Mood: I dislike Micha sometimes

Current Music: Leave a Whisper cd- Shinedown

All right back. ANd on the good computer. Now I understand I did not rainbow the text, but I had to hurry before someone else took it. So this will be very rainbow. And I also have to do two Band things to make up for the one I didnt do earlier. Right now I am listening to Mudvayne-Happy? So thats good. Getting ready for Ozzfest. That right now is all that matters. I even get to skip school for it. And now Michael is on the other computer........... Hope he doesnt read this because he did know I was gonna sleep over at grahams and that I still might. I dont want him pissed and angry and thinking something will happen, I just need graham right now.He is only person who knows me better then anyone. I mean even Michael. And any of my best friends. And it isnt because I let him in. It is because he just knows me. That is like the butterfly necklace he got for me, he knows I love butterflys. That is why he spent around 40 dollars on the butterfly ring I wear on my left index finger. (Now Michael is mad because I wont let him read this, but I dont want him thinking things that are wrong, like he always does. How he sits there and thinks that he cant trust me, and which he cant. But I have given up on everything. If this works it works. and thats all I say anymore.) Well Jen is here, the gothic one. SO thats cool. I am going insane now adays. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I cant think. My head is always hurting. I dont know what is wrong with me anymore. I need a break from my life. And get away from everything and anyone. Everyday it gets worset and I am alone. I cant just sit there and tell people to leave me alone, or I will get in trouble. I sit here and have learned to block EVERYTHING and EVERYONE out. Just be in my own Wonderland. Away from everything and everyone. From the monsters and the insanity. But how long can that really last? Really is this world as horrible as it is, Or is it we just make it that way? Do we really cause all the drama in it. I mean if I would of turned the other way and not gonna a ride from Jon that day, would I have ever went out with him. Got as hurt as I did. If I had just turned down Michael, would I be alone right now or with someone else? Graham told me something that is stuck in my head: Is is better to be alone or to be with someone and always feel alonely. And I couldnt even answer that. He knows. He knows what is going through my head without speaking. But on a better note......( New ringtones )
         So thats cool. Oh how I wish to be home in my bed. Trying to sleep and be alone. But knowing me I wont be able to. Mom said that the friday that Charlie atcf comes out, we are gonna be the first to go. That makes me happy*trys to give a smile*.

Current Mood: Rainbows make me happy

Current Music: Linkin Park-Crawling

Hello people.

    This is kitty, as always. I am at my cuz's house. The place I go to runaway from it all. It's not steven's but my older cuz and cuz-in-law. So thats cool. I am here due to the fact it is the 4th and our family normally gets together. And as always I am the aloner even though Michael is here. You can hear him and Steven in the back ground playing the x-box. I think snowboarding. And watching Aqua team. Which I never really understood the meaning of. I am dressed how you would said "Preppy". Which includes wearing a pink shirt with pengins on it, and a navy blue skirt with a pink butterfly on the side. The rest of the family is out other places, while we are smart and staying in where it is cool. It started raining earlier, and it was beautiful. All I could think about was the rain. And the new song by Breaking Benjamin:

Rain

Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,

I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around

Safe to say from here,
Your getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
                  It's a good song. Then there is the One of the best songs by a perfect circle:

Judith

                      Well there you go. My other cuz is suppose to be here. She is the gothic one. She really liked Graham due to the fact that he was gothic and she was and they have alot in common. Saturday, Dad and I went and got the Ozzfest tickets. So that makes me happy. And Michael is gonna go to. They were on sale for 18 so thats way better then spending 35. And then this is how much Michael loves me, he HATES Avril but yet...... He knew how bad I wanted to go to the concert, so he bought me a ticket and him a ticket. So I am VERY happy. And then 3doors down might be coming back. So that is awesome. Of course Ill be seeing them. Plus alot of good people will be with them. So that makes me even more happy.---------- well ill be back to type more in a min. gonna change to the good computer......

                                          Kitty